Three Benefits of Developing a Routine

Living a Structured Life 

Summer is over and the school year is beginning.  Parents are shopping for school supplies, considering what to put into lunchboxes and replacing last year's jeans.

The first day of school brings a new routine.

Children and parents are adjusting their lives to a new fall routine.  When a person enters a rehab - one of the first things they are hit with is a daily routine.  Gone are the days of leisurely sleeping in, lounging in pjs until mid-afternoon and watching late night television.  Specialists in recovery have learned that living a structured life brings order and aids recovery.  What are the benefits of having a routine in recovery?

Three benefits of developing a routine:

 

1. Relaxation - A routine teaches boundaries and encourages a simple and relaxed day.  Without a routine, lives are lived without boundaries.  Expectations are unclear. A routine organizes a day and brings a sense of accomplishment.

2.  Values - A routine promotes values. A structured day allows a person to plan and do the things each day that are important.  For example, scheduling a daily quiet time, walk around the block or time to read can promote the values of spirituality, exercise and intellectual stimulation.

3.  Peace - A routine provides peace. During times of drama, reverting to a familiar and comfortable routine will decrease stress. 

Whoever thinks a routine is boring or steals creativity has not experienced the benefits of a daily structure.  Creativity can flourish within a structured and routine life. 

"Idle time is the devil's workshop" is an old English proverb ("Hand-Book of Proverbs" by H.G. Bohn).  Idle time allows a person to imagine problems that may not exist.  When a mind is busy with projects at work or school it is occupied and there is less time to worry over problems.  A routine brings about a healthy and happy life through the predictable structure and daily accomplishment of valued activities.

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Four Tips to Help an Addict Change

Helping an Addict Change

Families, friends and counselors often are frustrated in waiting and watching for an addict to change.  The addict promises to do things differently and may even attempt to live without drugs . . . only to find they fall deeper into the addictive cycle.  Loved ones may lose hope and want to give up on the addict.  

Before a loved one quits on the addict, be aware that there is hope. There is a path to help an addict change and it begins with you.  To help an addict change, you must educate yourself on addiction. 

Here are four tips to help an addict change.  These tips are written for you - the family, friend, counselor and loved one.  They are designed to increase your awareness so you can understand the addict's reality and struggle to take the first step toward healthy change. 

Four tips to help an addict change:

First - Be aware that most addicts will underestimate their substance use.  They may be in denial. Denial is not lying. An addict in denial actually believes what they say about their relationship with drugs and alcohol.  Denial is when an addict is not aware of the seriousness or consequences of their substance abuse. 

Second - Be aware that many substance abusers will require medication to manage the physical dependence as they withdraw.  In order to detox, an addict may require medical assistance to ensure a safe withdrawal.

Third - Be aware of self medication.  Frequently an addict is suffering from a co-occurring disorder.  In other words, there may be an underlying reason an addict is using substances and they may be self medicating through the use of  drugs and alcohol.  These underlying reasons such as anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder may require a psychological evaluation and the use of medication to stabilize an addict so they can have a successful recovery.   

Fourth - Be aware that abstinence is the desired outcome for the addict and as the addict chooses to change they may experience set backs or a relapse which is a brief return to using substances.

Walking the path of recovery is not meant to be done alone.

To help an addict change it is important to use a nonjudgmental and supportive approach.  Guide the addict to consider the consequences of past and continued abuse of substances. 

Patience and longsuffering are required as the family and friends join the path of recovery alongside an addict.  Family and friends benefit from attending Alanon, Celebrate Recovery or a Family Education group to learn more about recovery, find supportive relationships and share their personal struggles.

Remember there is hope and hope is the lifeblood of longsuffering.

To talk with a counselor or learn more check out our webpage:  www.stages2change.com

 

Alcohol is the Central Factor in College Rape

Preparing to Send Students Away to College - Be Wise

My Alma Mater - Hokie Mascot

This summer, I visited my alma mater.  I was surprised to see that the cellar door of one of the popular drinking spots was still swinging for the students.
Driving around town, I reminisced over my college days.  I remember the lonely feeling of leaving home for the first time.  I recall my first friends and the late night phone calls to go to the cellar for a beer after a night of studying.  As I got to know more people, I would visit fraternity parties and field parties, attend dances, or sit with a group in the dorm and play quarters.  This was a time of extended adolescence, a period of growing up and out of the nest and into the career world.  I guess I thought of it as a rite of passage . . . .
Over the next few weeks, many families will be sending their young adults off to college.  Some of these students will be leaving home for the first time.  College brings unexpected pressures.  Pressures that include living with roommates, being away from family, balancing classes, living on a shoestring and developing a healthy social life.  Some students will decide to pledge a sorority or fraternity and enter into the fall "rush" period. Weekend gatherings with free flowing alcohol will abound.  Koolaid or fruit punch mixed with grain alcohol may be served out of iced down coolers or bathtubs.  Parties will offer plastic cups of free or cheap keg beer.   With an ID (real or fake), students hang out at local clubs drinking with their new friends.  
Along with the new freedoms, comes an experimenting in sexuality.  It is not uncommon for a group of guys and a group of girls to go out on a weekend night and end up going home with a new partner.
Inebriation smooths the process of easy hook-ups.  

Many parents see these activities as a "rite of passage."  Something that happens in college and will be outgrown.  Is it wise to look the other way and consider binge drinking and easy hook-ups as a right of passage?

Greek's Cellar the watering hole I went to while a student in college.

Here is what Professor George W. Dowdall at Saint Joseph's University and co-author of a 2004 study of alcohol on college campuses says, "Binge drinking isn't a harmless rite of passage but a risk factor in violence against women.  Institutions of higher education need to change the culture of college drinking in order to make colleges safer and healthier environments."
In fact, the study shows that binge drinking is the number one public health problem among college students – associated with a range of consequences that include lower grades, vandalism and physical and sexual violence. 
College campuses where over 50% of the students drink alcohol, experience an increase in acquaintance rape.  Acquaintance rape is when two people know each other and have non consensual sex which often occurs under the influence of alcohol. According to a Harvard College Alcohol Study, alcohol use is the central factor in most college rapes.  Young men and women may not call it rape - they may see it as a hook up gone bad or a college experience.  This viewpoint does not alleviate the scars that may occur from this experience, not to mention an unwanted pregnancy or STD.

I am writing this blog as a wake up call for families and students.  I hope you will discuss the reality and dangers of life at college.   My concern is for students to be careful in college.  Be wise and do not go home with someone you have just met.  Be wise and travel or go out with a friend.  Be wise and watch out for each other.  And most of all - do not be overly trusting.  Yes, have fun and remember to play it safe.

To read more on this study check out: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/college/a/blcas040214.htm
To visit my web site: www.stages2change.com

Three Steps to Healing After a Betrayal

"I have never loved you - I have always loved someone else."

Betrayal, Broken Trust and Healing

Climbing into bed, a husband tells his wife about an affair that occurred 10 years earlier.  He communicates with a cool smugness and turns out the light, rolls over and begins to snore.  In shock at his betrayal, the wife lies in bed for hours unable to sleep.

The impact of a betrayal in a close relationship is devastating.  The lies, deceit, shock and blow of broken trust can shake a person to their emotional core.  

What are some of the effects of betrayal?  First lets consider what a betrayal is . . . a betrayal is when you think you have one type of a relationship and you discover that your relationship is not what you thought.  A betrayal may be deliberate or just an act of poor judgement.  A betrayal is broken trust in a relationship.  Betrayals hurt and have a destructive impact on the person betrayed.  Here are some of the negative impacts of a betrayal:

1. Broken trust.  A betrayal seems to cause an imaginary wall to rise up in a person and hinders future trust.  This wall is a form of self protection that says "I will not let anyone hurt me again."  With time, perspective, forgiveness and healing this wall will come down.

2. Emotional sadness and depression. A betrayal is devastating and creates a deep pain which may lead to depression.

3. Lowered self esteem.  A betrayal destroys confidence and can have a negative impact on a person's self image.

4. An increase in suspicion.  A betrayal breaks trust and causes questioning and suspicion.

5. A negative impact on reputation.  A betrayal is a deception and creates a negative reputation for the person who has been betrayed.

Betrayal is devastating.  However, it is possible to go forward after a betrayal. 

To overcome a betrayal will require two things - time and work.  The shock of a betrayal can weigh heavy on the soul for months and even years.  Moving beyond shock requires taking intentional and healthy steps to move forward.  Here are three steps to healing after a betrayal:

Step One:  Reframe what has happened. When a person has been betrayed - it is likely there were warnings that came before the realization of the betrayal.  Reflecting upon what happened can be helpful to the healing process.  Journalling thoughts and feelings and talking to God about the hurt and anger are ways to get the poison out.  

Step Two: Rebuild self esteem.  Creating a list of accomplishments and things that you and others like about you helps to increase self esteem.  Review the list regularly and believe it.  

Step Three:  Letting Go and Forgiving.  Let's face it, one person does not have to define YOU nor your future.  The person who betrayed you may have lacked judgment, been immature, or a fool.  Begin to hang out with winners - people who are wise and have a track record of integrity.  Life is too short to stay stuck in the impact of a betrayal.  

It is possible to overcome a betrayal.  Today is the day to take the first step forward to a positive future. 

For more information on recovery or to talk with Susan check out: www.stages2change.com

3 Keys to Embracing Hope

If you hang out with me for any length of time, you will discover that I take pictures everywhere I go.  I saw these words on a sign during a Christmas visit to Washington, DC.  The words are "embracing hope."  
Being a relatively new full time caretaker to my disabled husband has sunk me into a premature grief.  I have come to accept that he is not going to get better and our life will change permanently.  Coming to this realization, I found myself  depressed.  
I have always found the spoken word helpful when I am discouraged.  On my shelf I had three volumes of tapes from motivational Christian speaker Zig Ziglar.  Driving in my car, I began to listen to his encouraging and very funny teaching.  Zig talked about having hope.  
Hope is a critical element in considering the future.  Without hope, well, frankly a person may think about giving up.  
Contemplating the word H-O-P-E . . . I think of how powerful that four letter word really is.  Hope - is a word based on today with a promise of good things for the future.  
Where does our hope come from?  Is it possible to self-generate hope?  
I have found there are three keys to embracing hope:  
The first key is having faith.  Realizing there is a higher power a God who will never leave nor forsake me.  I do not have to face my future alone.  
The second key is being in community. When I hang out with friends or family, I feel a sense of belonging and love.  Again, I realize I am not alone.  
The third key is reviewing my life.  I did not get to be a member of AARP without going through a lot of life experiences.  I have had many challenges and have successfully survived tough times.  In reviewing my life, I realize that I can make it.  Hope is the lifeblood to longsuffering.  Embracing hope is important when the future is unknown. 

www.stages2change.com

Serenity is a Benefit of Time in Nature

Serenity May Be Experienced in Nature

Driving on a back road through the forest I sense the stress of the world begin to fall off my shoulders.  Arriving at my destination, I get out of the car and stroll through the woods.  I find a bench.  Sitting quietly, I listen. I hear the rustling leaves in the wind.  I feel a cool breeze pass. I smell a freshness in the forest.  Ahhhh peace. 

When a teenager is troubled, the family may send the teen to a recovery center that is located by the beach or in the mountains.  It is in this natural surrounding that the teen will begin to discover their powerlessness.  Spending time in nature, reveals there is a creator. 

Man did not make the trees, the birds, the ocean.  No, they were created . . . . . and through this realization,  a sense of awe occurs.

My soul calms itself when I sit in natural surroundings. Sitting, thinking, journaling, praying or even napping in nature can bring a serenity to the soul. 

I become calm.  The worries of the world slip away.  My spirit communes with the Holy Spirit and there is a peace. There is a knowing that I am not alone.  That I will "make it."  I can surrender and be at peace - one day at a time.

www.stages2change.com

Beach Vacation with the Original Family

Spending Time with Family

I have been spending my summer vacation at a beach house with my original family.   My parents were midwesterns who traveled a lot because dad served in the military.   My folks had three children - a boy, a girl and a boy.  My oldest brother excelled at everything he attempted.  He was academically gifted and climbed the scouting ranks to Eagle Scout.  My younger brother was more fun and constantly made us laugh.  It was no surprise when he attended Clown College and ran off with the circus at 18.  Me . . . I am the middle child.  I was shy at times and rebellious at times.  I would shift from spending time alone in my room listening to records or reading books to acting out with my friends. I always had a best friend to tell my secrets and we would stay up late chatting on the phone.   It was me who would defy my mother and  cause an atmosphere of worry and unrest.  I am happy to say that at age 30, I finally settled down.  Dad's military job moved us around a lot.  I felt like I was always starting my life over with new schools, friends and interests.   I observed Mom raise three little children while Dad was stationed in Vietnam.  

Families that have a lot of stress, moves, illness or addiction frequently have children that have similar characteristics.  These characteristics or roles have been given the following names: the hero, the scapegoat, the lost child and the mascot.  Here are some of the typical traits:

The hero is usually the oldest child - he is serious, makes good grades, admired and a leader.

The scapegoat is the often the second child - she may drink or use drugs, shows anger, gets pregnant.

The lost child is the third child - he is shy and a loner who may feel closer to animals than people.

The mascot is the youngest child - he is the class cut up, appears happy go lucky and self focused.

You may recognize yourself or your siblings playing one of these roles. I think I went between the scapegoat and the lost child.  What I find interesting is how as an adult when I spend significant time with my original family, these same roles tend to show up - even after a lot of adult therapy. I am not sure why that is and it probably should not be taken too seriously. 

www.stages2change.com

Becoming Uniquely You

Be the Best You

Chicago O'Hare Airport People Mover

It is summer and time for vacations and travel.  Perhaps it is a road trip, cruise or flight to a visit relatives.  Maybe it is just a staycation (staying home and enjoying the local culture).  This summer has been a traveling summer for my family.   At the end of the summer I will have driven through eight states.  As I visit each state, I marvel at the cultural differences.  I notice something memorable or recognizable about every city or state.  Here is a little test  . . . when you read the name of a place . . . what comes to mind? 

Memphis . . . . . blues, barbeque, Stax or Sun Records, the Orpheum, Elvis and Graceland

Iowa . . . .national elections, hogs, Amana Colonies, Des Moines farmer's market, bridges

Oklahoma . . . . college football (Sooners and Cowboys), Trail of Tears, Rte. 66

North Carolina . . . outer banks, Research Triangle Park, The Biltmore, college basketball

Charlottesville . . . . UVA, Thomas Jefferson, Monticello, wine

Pigeon Forge. . . . Dolly Parton, Gaitlinburg, Smokey Mountains
Colorado Springs . . . Pikes Peak, Air Force Academy, gold rush

Chicago . . . pizza, baseball, John Hancock building, Magnificent Mile, O'Hare airport

Annapolis . . . bay bridge, Naval Academy, eating crabs

Seattle . . . grunge, Pikes Place Market, Nirvana, Sleepless in Seattle

Ananheim . . .Disneyland, ocean

Pennsylvania . . . Gettysburg, Hershey's chocolate, Pennsylvania Dutch

you get the idea.  

Every city or state has identifiable features.  Well, you know what . . . so do you.  

Every person is designed uniquely.  There is no one like me and there is no one like you.  Too often there is a desire to be someone else.  If we have red hair we want blond hair.  If we are tall we want to be short.  If we are blue eyed we want to be brown eyed.  The comparison and desire to have someone else's features steals our thoughts.  It will never work . . . . trying to be like somebody else.  So stop trying . . . embrace yourself.  Rejoice in your special talents, looks, abilities and community.  Begin to accept yourself.  Accepting ourselves brings a freedom and peace inside.  Comparisons stop.  A fresh ability to love and be loved occurs.  

I love the unique personality of each city and state.   As humans, we each have our unique personality.  Only you can be the best you.  Take a deep breath and let go of comparison. Give yourself a big hug and go forward.  Now go tell someone how you love their uniqueness . . . . .

www.stages2change.com

Suburban High School Heroin Ring Busted

Heroin Use in High School Increasing

Six Signposts Leading to Early Addiction

Families today are not like the 1950s

Families have changed over the years and the family structure of the 1950s is almost unrecognizable.  Today young parents live together and may or may not live with their own children.  Grandparents may live many miles or states away and have little involvement in a grandchild's life.  Changing work environments have led families to pick up and move in search of work.  Small towns seem to be dying.  The fabric of our culture is changing and families today are made up of many cultures and nationalities.

Addiction in the United States is the top health concern. Have you ever wondered if there was a way to protect a young person from becoming at risk for addiction?  The National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) has identified six risk factors and six protective factors that may curb early a person's drug involvement.  Here is the list:

Six Risk Factors with Protective Factors:                                                                 

1.  Risk factor:  Early Aggressive Behavior with Protective Factors:  Self Control

2.  Risk factor: Poor Social Skills  Protective Factors: Positive Relationships

3.  Risk factor: Lack of Parental Supervision  Protective Factors:  Parental Monitoring and Support

4.  Risk factor: Substance Abuse  Protective Factors:  Academic Competence

5.  Risk factor: Drug Availability  Protective Factors:  Anti-Drug Use Policies

6.  Risk factor: Poverty  Protective Factors:  Strong Neighborhood Attachment

Taken from "Drugs, Brains and Behavior - The Science of Addiction" Published by NIDA

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