Three Steps to Healing After a Betrayal

"I have never loved you - I have always loved someone else."

Betrayal, Broken Trust and Healing

Climbing into bed, a husband tells his wife about an affair that occurred 10 years earlier.  He communicates with a cool smugness and turns out the light, rolls over and begins to snore.  In shock at his betrayal, the wife lies in bed for hours unable to sleep.

The impact of a betrayal in a close relationship is devastating.  The lies, deceit, shock and blow of broken trust can shake a person to their emotional core.  

What are some of the effects of betrayal?  First lets consider what a betrayal is . . . a betrayal is when you think you have one type of a relationship and you discover that your relationship is not what you thought.  A betrayal may be deliberate or just an act of poor judgement.  A betrayal is broken trust in a relationship.  Betrayals hurt and have a destructive impact on the person betrayed.  Here are some of the negative impacts of a betrayal:

1. Broken trust.  A betrayal seems to cause an imaginary wall to rise up in a person and hinders future trust.  This wall is a form of self protection that says "I will not let anyone hurt me again."  With time, perspective, forgiveness and healing this wall will come down.

2. Emotional sadness and depression. A betrayal is devastating and creates a deep pain which may lead to depression.

3. Lowered self esteem.  A betrayal destroys confidence and can have a negative impact on a person's self image.

4. An increase in suspicion.  A betrayal breaks trust and causes questioning and suspicion.

5. A negative impact on reputation.  A betrayal is a deception and creates a negative reputation for the person who has been betrayed.

Betrayal is devastating.  However, it is possible to go forward after a betrayal. 

To overcome a betrayal will require two things - time and work.  The shock of a betrayal can weigh heavy on the soul for months and even years.  Moving beyond shock requires taking intentional and healthy steps to move forward.  Here are three steps to healing after a betrayal:

Step One:  Reframe what has happened. When a person has been betrayed - it is likely there were warnings that came before the realization of the betrayal.  Reflecting upon what happened can be helpful to the healing process.  Journalling thoughts and feelings and talking to God about the hurt and anger are ways to get the poison out.  

Step Two: Rebuild self esteem.  Creating a list of accomplishments and things that you and others like about you helps to increase self esteem.  Review the list regularly and believe it.  

Step Three:  Letting Go and Forgiving.  Let's face it, one person does not have to define YOU nor your future.  The person who betrayed you may have lacked judgment, been immature, or a fool.  Begin to hang out with winners - people who are wise and have a track record of integrity.  Life is too short to stay stuck in the impact of a betrayal.  

It is possible to overcome a betrayal.  Today is the day to take the first step forward to a positive future. 

For more information on recovery or to talk with Susan check out: www.stages2change.com