Drug Courts Work!

Nathan's Story

Nathan was born and raised in a small town.  In high school he began using drugs – starting with tobacco.  He drank alcohol with his friends.  Attending rock concerts, he discovered marijuana. He found himself craving adrenaline, which led him to experiment with speed and methamphetamine.  He soon developed a habit, which led to a 25-year addiction to methamphetamine. This addiction took him into a world of crime, deception and immorality. 

Nathan married and gave his wife her first shot of methamphetamine. 

The couple moved to another state where Nathan participated in a Mexican gang, which made and distributed drugs.  Nathan’s world turned upside down when his wife of 20 years left him.   At this point he was no longer in good with the gang so he ran back to his small hometown to escape death.  


In his desperation, he attached a cord to the ceiling and attempted to hang himself.  The cord broke through the rafters and he found himself still alive.  He thought to himself, “I am not even successful at killing myself.” 

As a child Nathan had been exposed to religion and church. During a period of sobriety in his marriage he lived with a street preacher who would play Christian teaching tapes loudly in the evening disrupting his sleep. 

Nathan began to consider God.

He quit his methamphetamine use.  He did not cease to be an addict.  He changed his drug of choice to alcohol.  Soon he was arrested for public intoxication.  He continued to drink incessantly hosting parties at his house, which he referred to as the frat house.  Nathan no longer had a driver’s license due to repeatedly driving while intoxicated.  He was arrested for public intoxication and thrown into jail.  Nathan had the option of prison or Drug Court.   Nathan chose to go to Drug Court and try to change his life.

Treatment instead of Prison

Nathan found the structure, support; tools and counseling during recovery to help him change his life.  After 18 months, Nathan graduated form Drug Court.  At his graduation ceremony he shared his testimony and encouraged others to “let go of the past and live a clean life one day at a time.”

This testimony was shared with Susan Buck and based on a client’s true story.  Released with permission.  Update:  Nathan died in early 2012.  He was suffering from liver cancer.  He left behind a beautiful young fiance and grandchildren.

www.stages2change.com

Changing the Stinkin' Thinkin'

From Shame to Truth

I went to the gym yesterday.  I have known for sometime that I need to get back into shape.  

I can blame my new weight gain on Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day and Birthdays . . . but in reality I have become undisciplined in my eating and exercise habits.  

At the gym I had a young buff trainer named Jonathan.  He probably thought I looked like his mother.  He showed me how to maneuver the weights and the seats so I could find the best position for me as I attempted strength training.  He showed me how to use the tread mill.   I had to be attached with a clip - in case I fell off the tread mill  it would stop. 

The tread mill was cool, I could wear headphones and watch CNN or Fox News at the same time I was walking.  The second day I used the tread mill, I realized I could also see myself walking. The four tread mills were set along a mirrored wall.   I watched myself walking.  At first I did not recognize myself.  Who is that middle aged, sweaty and overweight lady?  

I carry an image of what I look like in my head.  The image in the mirror that day was not the same picture that is in my head.  I see myself as much younger, much less wrinkled, trimmer and there are no gray hairs.  

What image do you carry of yourself?   Does it match the one in the mirror?  

My father is a youthful 80 year old.  He is active, sane, witty and healthy.  One day I asked him what it is like to be his age. How do you see yourself?  

He said, "I see myself as a 25 year old man." 

Sometimes a person with a beautiful and healthy body sees themselves as ugly and fat.  Again there is a discrepancy between the true image and the imagined self image. 

In the dictionary shame is defined as,

"A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace."

When a person experiences negative shame - they will feel unrealistic guilt or a sense of "badness" about them self.  Statements like:

* "I am bad."

* "I am unlovable." 

* "I am garbage."

* "I am not worthy." 

are all shame based statements.  They are simply not true statements.  To overcome negative shame a person must begin to see and embrace the truth about themselves. 

For an aging person, they may need to embrace the fact that they are no longer young. That does not mean they are not beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside.  For the person who is young and attractive yet feels they are fat and ugly - they may need to learn that they are not ugly - and they are worthy.

Replacing old tapes with new messages - that is a first step in overcoming shameful thinking.  Taking the stinkin thinkin' (as the 12 step programs call it) of "I am bad and unworthy" and saying to yourself 

"I have made mistakes, yes, however I am worthy and I have purpose."

As a person takes steps to recovery they will consider their thoughts and begin to replace negative thinking with truthful thinking. To learn more about overcoming addiction check out the free resources at www.Stages2Change.com

Mom's Phenomenal Spiritual Moment

"Angels Carried Evelyn to Heaven"

This is a story told by my sister-in-law, Gerda who is a nurse in Kansas.  She is sharing  the story of the events that unfolded on the final day of our mother-in-law, Evelyn Buck's life.  

Here are Gerda's words:

Following will unfold a story that will make some sort of an impact on our lives…I’m sure forever.

Grandma Evelyn Buck visiting her home in Kansas.

The first day I returned to work after being off for mom’s departing this life was Wednesday, August 24^th, 2005.  The doctor came in around 7:30 that morning and started to share his condolences about mom with me.  He commented in the conversation that it had been reported that she had a “phenomenal spiritual moment” as she died.   He kept going on and on about that and kept giving condolences and saying she must have been a strong woman of faith. 

He did seem very touched and moved by what he was sharing. Coming from him I had many questions and doubts and mixed thoughts about what he was telling me because of his own beliefs. He seemed very sincere and moved by what he was sharing. 

It was really hard for me to concentrate after that but I managed to make it through the busy surgery day.  I wanted to talk to the staff that was on the night mom passed away before I shared this with anyone, even my husband, Dan! 

It wasn’t until Saturday, August 27^th that I got to talk to them.  The first nurse, the one who had called Dan and me that Sunday those two times, came from the nursing home to the hospital side to take care of some business in the office.  I stopped her and asked her about that night.  She shared moments about the whole day. 

I’ll share the day also as it unfolded for us and as the nurses shared. On Sunday morning, mom had a shower and went to breakfast. Dan picked her up for church.  She didn’t have her oxygen on so Dan thought she didn’t need it, however he didn’t realize that SHE took if off, not really supposed to and not realizing that she was in need of it constantly now.  Anyway he brought her to church.  When she got there she needed to use the restroom.  I thought…oh joy!  This was a major project anymore.  But we managed just fine; Edna and Violet helped also.  But mom was white as a sheet.  I was really concerned.  When we came out of the restroom I told Dan she needed to go back..  However, she kept insisting that she did NOT want to go back.  She wanted to stay for church!  So then I told Dan she needed her oxygen.  He didn’t catch that so when I realized he hadn’t gone for it I went and got it.  I had 5 minutes before church would start.  I made it back in time to play the piano.  I kept glancing back at mom to see if her color was improving.  It didn’t look like it was much but she was singing her heart out.  That I could see!  

The aide continued to share that when mom got back from church she wanted to lay down and that this was VERY unusual for her.  She did not want to go to lunch.  She had food delivered to her room and ate very little.  She wanted to lay back down after lunch.  This was very unusual for mom.  She always refused to nap because she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.    Mom, however,  wanted to be sure to attend the church service they had in ECF that evening because the Nazarene church was in charge and she really liked that pastor and his wife.   (When she was still driving she would go to their church service before coming to ours on Sunday night since they had theirs earlier!)   After the service  she went to supper in the dining room and didn’t eat hardly anything according to the nurse.  She again wanted to go to bed. 

They got her ready for the night and as they were settling her in she commented to the nurse aide. “I want to live.  I don’t want to die, but I know I’m going to.”  The nurse said she asked mom if she’d like to talk to anyone or have anyone called to come and be with her and she said she wanted to talk to Danny.  That’s when they called us at church that evening and said we needed to come up that Mom was not doing well and was asking for Danny.  (That was another unusual thing; for ME to have my cell phone on in church.  I NEVER have it on.) Events of our day had caused me to have it on!  We went immediately.  It was around 7:05 p.m.  We were with mom at 7:10.  Shortly after that Aunt Violet and Uncle Paul came too.  When mom realized we left church she insisted that we go back!  She had forgotten the day and time.   

While we were there mom would touch the bed with her hand as if trying to find something.  When asked, she said she was looking for her scissors.    A little later she had her eyes closed and she was reaching with her left hand into the air as if to get something and when asked what she was doing she opened her eyes, looked at her hand in the air and said, “I don’t know.” And put her hand down.  She would chat with all of us and close her eyes off and on.  Her facial expression was very relaxed and peaceful the whole time we were there.   

We left at 8:45pm.  Mom said she needed to go to the restroom pretty soon and that they would bring her pills around 9 p.m. and she’d be ready for bed.  We could go on home.  Dan and I both gave her a kiss good night and left.  Paul and Violet left too.

 The nurse aide shared that they did get her up about 9 p.m. and gave her pills to her and she was settled in bed at about 9:15.  The nurse said that mom continuously thanked them for all their good care and for being so nice while she’d been in the nursing home.  She had thanked them more than usual all day.   She said she returned a few minutes later after putting mom to bed to check on her and not wanting to turn on the big light in her room and disturb her, turned on only the bathroom light and saw that she was asleep.   The charge nurse came in a few minutes later and couldn’t really see or sense that mom was asleep so turned the big light on and then hollered for the other nurse to come in!

 

This is where Mom's phenomenal spiritual moment begins!! 

The nurses observed the bed to be moving like waves or ripples.  A gentle moving, up and down.  And then said they saw the blind blowing as if the window was open and the nurse knew she was gone!

I talked to the charge nurse later that day and she told the same story about the waves and the blind. She said at first she was upset with us because she thought we had opened the window, thinking we were hot, (explaining mom was always cold and kept the room warm).  She said she was actually mad at us. She went to check the window to close it and found that it was NOT open!!!  That’s when she realized that something phenomenal was going on!  And that’s when she knew mom was gone.  Another aide had come into the room by then and she had said to him, “Did you see that?”  He responded by saying,  “You’ve not had enough sleep,” and then he ran out of the room!  He didn’t come back to that wing the rest of the night!

The hospital staff called us at 9:35 p.m. and told us we needed to come right now.  We were there at 9:45 p.m. exactly an hour after we had left her.  Dan commented to me that as soon as he saw her he knew she wasn’t there.  He said it was so different this time from others he’d seen.   She was gone.

The charge nurse shared that she had attended the Assembly of God church and she knew that the spirit and the soul leaves the body when a person dies.  She also commented that she had observed many deaths in her career and NEVER had she seen such a phenomenon and felt such awe!  

It was as if the angels had literally come down and picked mom up into heaven, out through the window!   

That’s what the doctor had said…that it was a spiritually phenomenal moment.   He mentioned the bed waving and the blind blowing and that her spirit ascended out the window up into heaven!  Him saying that was incredible in itself!  

As the charge nurse was telling the story another nurse came and stood by and was aware of the story.  She acknowledged that she was a Christian and she started to quote a verse about the spirit departing from the body up into heaven when we die.  They both said they really hadn’t told anyone except they talked among themselves…those that were there.  They weren’t sure what people would think of what they had seen and experienced.  They really wondered how the doc knew.  They claimed they hadn’t told him.

I could hardly contain myself…of course I was blubbering, both times as the girls told the story AND off and on that entire day….and so were the two nurses that were there as they shared with me! 

They claimed that they couldn’t go in mom’s room after that for a while even after the mortician had taken her.  They admitted they were scared.   It was awesome but they were still frightened. 

I can picture what they described in my mind and it seems incredible and actually wonderful!  Observing these nurse’s and their faces and their explanation of that night put me in a state of awe and slightly frightening in the "fear of God" kind of way. 

The nurses shared how they loved to go into Mom's  room because she always had a smile was so positive and happy!  They said they would NEVER forget that moment that they got to share and experience with her.  They still call that room “Evelyn’s room.”

www.stages2change.com

Am I an Addict?

Four Questions to Ask Yourself

Over the weekend, you went to a party and again you drank more beer than you had planned.  You tell yourself "that is the last time I am smoking pot!" yet within a a week you are hanging out playing video games with friends and take a bong hit. Everywhere you go signs say "No smoking."  Having a cigarette is becoming a chore just to find a public place to light up.  You tell yourself - "I am quitting!" 

You listen to friends say, "I am a social drinker or I smoke weed for recreation only - I don't have a problem with it."  You find yourself wondering . . . do I have a problem or addiction . . . . 

. . . .there is a short "test" to find out if you are showing signs of substance abuse.  The CAGE-AID test is a standard brief test used to screen for substance abuse.  

Ask yourself these four questions?  Be as honest with yourself as possible - considering your life history. 

1. Have you ever felt you ought to cut down on your drinking or drug use?

2. Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking or drug use?

3. Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking or drug use?

4. Have you ever had a drink or taken drugs first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

How did your answers come out?  

If you have answered one or more of the four questions with a "yes" there is a strong change you have a substance abuse problem.  You may want to obtain a more thorough evaluation or assessment from a substance abuse counselor.  

Learning to make healthy changes is possible.  

When you are ready to take the first step to change or if you just want to learn more about addiction and recovery . . . check out our website www.stages2change.com.  

On the website you will find the Cage-Aid Test and many free resources to help you educate yourself about specific addictions.  You will also find a place to request a free consultation through taking the first step of simply completing a brief screening form. 

Reference Note:  
The Cage-Aid Questionnaire is an adapted version of the CAGE Assessment for alcohol dependence. The CAGE-AID includes drug use and is designed to reveal potential substance abuse with only one yes answer.  The CAGE questionnaire was developed by Dr. John Ewing, University of North Carolina. CAGE is an internationally used assessment instrument for identifying problems with alcohol. 'CAGE' is an acronym formed from the italicized letters in the questionnaire (cut-annoyed-guilty-eye).

www.stages2change.com

SEX ON THE BRAIN

A Healthy Prefrontal Cortex Can Change Your Life

Standing in line at the grocery store, I am bombarded with the headlines:  

"Tiger Woods Goes to Rehab for Sexual Addiction"  

"Arnold Tells Maria He Fathered a Child 10 Years Ago"

"John Edwards has a Child with Mistress Rielle Hunter"

"IMF Senior Employee in Jail for Hotel Rape"
 

Whether these headlines reveal fact or fiction - there is something going on inside or outside the bedroom that needs to be discussed.  

Sexual and other addictions are compulsive desires to repeatedly do the desired thing inspite of consequences.  As an addiction progresses a person will eventually find they are powerless to stop their addiction.  Compassionate friends and family may judge the addict as weak willed, morally corrupt or relationally immature. However, it may be a brain problem - a dysfunctional prefrontal cortex.

Did you know that the greatest sexual organ is the brain?  

The prefrontal cortex is in the front of the brain.  For an addict - sexual or otherwise - this area of the brain may be dysfunctional.  When a person has a brain injury - such as a sports injury to the head, car wreck, falls out of a tree - on the head, etc.  The prefrontal cortex may be harmed.  This area of the brain controls things like planning, decision making and delayed gratification. Medical diagnoses such as ADHD, Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder may be signs there is some dysfunction in the prefrontal cortex.

What I am saying is this - sometimes overcoming an addiction - sexual or otherwise may take more than just "gutting it out."  

A brain can be strengthened to become more healthy.  Here are some steps to begin developing a healthy brain:

* eating a healthy diet

* meditation and prayer

* getting proper rest - taking a daily sabbath weekly

* cultivating an attitude of gratitude

* taking medications when necessary

Dr. Daniel Amen has clinics in California and Virginia that study the brain and conduct brain scan imaging for clients interested in learning more about their brain's function.  Dr. Amen's popular book "Change Your Brain Change Your Life" gives guidelines on how to begin the process to a healthy brain on your own.  

It is important to be aware of the signs of possible brain injury: numbness, drowsiness, severe headache, weakness in the arms, dizziness, loss of vision, vomitting, confusion and disorientation. If this occurs, please take proper precaution and have your head examined. 

If you have an addiction - there is help available. For more information on addiction and recovery check out my website: www.stages2change.com

For information on brain image scanning at the Amen Clinics:
www.amenclinics.com

Finding a Path to Serenity

Key Elements of Recovery - First Steps

Wouldn't it be super if I could wave a magic wand causing you to begin to function in a healthy and loving manner after years of addiction.  When a person struggles with a chronic addiction of any type, family members often lose hope that their will ever be a change.  There is an increasing doubt that their loved one will ever be able to overcome an addiction.   

This blog is written to provide encouragement for those individuals searching for the path of serenity.  To help a person handicapped with an addiction or a family member watching the addict struggle to identify six elements on the road to recovery.  These six elements are:

1. Having hope and a vision for a better life.  

Despair is an emotional and physical killer.  Nurturing hope for a better way, a better life is a key element in recovery.  Having a vision of what "can be" helps a person to begin to take the steps to realize their goal.

2. Removing the obstacles. 

There are many distractions on the path of recovery.  Case management is designed to help a person remove distractions to recovery.  These obstacles may be things like the need for a job, education, child care, transportation to a 12-step meeting.  Addressing these obstacles speeds up the process of recovery allowing you to focus on first things first. 

3. Developing a healthy opinion of oneself.

Too often a person who has lived a life of obsessions and compulsions with a chemical, food or sex has an overriding sense of shame - the feeling that says "I am unworthy, unlovable and I am bad."  It is important to begin to view oneself in a true and healthy manner.  No person is junk.  Some will say - God does not make junk!  Every person has gifts and talents. Every person has value - and that includes you - believe it. Believe in yourself and your value.

4. Belonging to a healthy community.

Recovery is not accomplished as a lone ranger.  Having a safe community to share concerns, experiences, struggles and successes is critical on the path of recovery.  Community provides accountability.  Yes, a family can be a community - however, the best community is people who have "been there" and are further along the journey.  A healthy community may be a 12-step group, prayer group or Celebrate Recovery group. 

5. Feeling a sense of power.

Addiction reeks havoc in individuals causing a sense of defeat.  There is a powerlessness over the addiction.  Regaining some sense of power over life choices is an element that assists in recovery.  Empowerment can bring with it hope - there are choices and change is possible. 

6. Life skills.

Let's face it, if a person became an addict in their teen years, they probably have not learned some of the basic skills of living life.   Concentrating on obtaining and using a drug may have taken up so much time and energy that basic skills such as cleaning house, proper nutrition, keeping a check book, and proper hygiene have never been learned.  It is possible to develop these life skills.  These skills can be learned through an educational course or through having a mentor who will guide you. Learning how to manage life successfully will dramatically increase your recovery process.

Serenity is possible. Taking the first step on your path of recovery can begin today.

For more information on recovery check out www.stages2change.com.

"Mom, I NEED Money for a Lawyer"

Thoughts on Teens Drinking and Driving

In the Spring of 2006, I received a phone call from my son who was living with his father in another state, "Mom, I need money for a lawyer."

My son was a couple of months shy of 18.  He started working for a businessman who attended his church.  One late night, my son and another employee hung out at work - drinking and talking.  When it was time to head home, my son realized his coworker was too drunk to drive.  He decided to take him home using the company's truck.  Little did he realize, he was too drunk to drive.  As would happen they were in an accident on the freeway.

My son was arrested and hauled down to jail where he had to call his father for a ride home. 

He was charged with a DUI.  He thought he was being a "good Samaritan" in driving a drunk coworker home.  He minimized the impact alcohol had on himself.  Next he had to hire a lawyer, go to court, pay fines, attend a DUI school. He lost his license and ended up having a probationary period.  All for a night of fun . . . drinking after work.

Drunk driving is the symptom.

Alcohol abuse is the problem.

According to Mother's Against Drunk Driving (MADD): "10,839 people will die in drunk driving crashes - one every 50 minutes and teenagers between 15 - 20 years old have about 20% more fatal car wrecks than any other age group."

So HOW can your teenager stay safe behind the wheel?

Here are some things you can do as a parent:

* Have your teen take a driver's education class.

* Practice driving with your teenager.

* Teach your teen safe driving principles.

* Guide your teen in how to manage road hazards.

* Educate your teen on the effects of alcohol and drugs.

Enforce driving rules:

* Absolutely no drinking and driving.

* No driving after a certain hour.

* Call for a ride instead of getting in a car with a drunk driver.

* No texting while driving.

* Always wear a seat belt.

Because the chance of a deadly crash occurring with each passenger increases, it is critical for parents to set limits with their teen on the number of passengers in a car.  It is also helpful to limit driving at night and on weekends for the same reason.

Getting a driver's license is an American right of passage.  Let's work together to make sure our teens drive responsibly.

For more information on this topic, check out MADD at www.madd.org

www.stages2change.com

Monday Morning Giggles

Monday Morning Giggles

Monday mornings are rough for a lot of people as they begin the week with all its expectations and challenges.  Making it through a day is tough for anyone in recovery.  Here are some jokes that may bring a smile to your day.

Great Weekend . . . now it is Monday!

Three Alanon Jokes: 

Did you hear there’s a new 12-step program for people who talk too much?

It is called on-and-on-Anon. ~

What is the last thing to happen to an Al-Anon member before they die?

Someone else’s life flashes before their eyes. ~

How can you tell you are at an Al-Anon meeting?

Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up. ~

Addiction Jokes: 

Addicts are like tea bags. They don't work until they're in hot water! ~

How many addicts does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five. One to stand on a ladder and hold the bulb and four to get high until the room spins. ~

Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?
A: A trip without the kids. ~

Q: What do you call someone who stays up for 14 days straight?
A: A two-weeker. ~

Q: How can you pick out the tweaker in the grocery store?
A: He is the one with his cart flipped upside down fixing the wheels! ~

Alcohol Jokes:

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk. ~

An alcoholic is driving home from the bar at 3am totally annihilated. He's swerving between lanes and gets spotted by a patrol officer who then pulls him over. The cop asks the inebriated man where he's headed at such a late hour. The drunk replies "I'm just going to a lecture, officer." In disbelief the officer asks "Who would be giving a lecture this late?"

The alcoholic replies, "My wife."

Two dudes roll up to a sobriety check point, Budweisers between their legs. They're plastered, and stand no chance of getting past without getting busted.

They roll up to the cops, the cop peers in, and sees both of them with soggy Bud labels on their foreheads, grinning.

"You two been drinking?"

They smile. "No officer, we're on the patch!"