The Key to Facing Fear

I am a creature of habit.  I am comfortable with my daily routine. I do not like change.  And I especially do not like change when it is imposed on me.  If I am to make a change - it helps when it is my idea.

When a project is my idea, I have an ownership of the project.  For example, if I decide to go to the gym to work out - I am more apt to go.  If I am told I need to go work out and do it three times a week - I probably will have a resistance rise up in me - that says "no way!"

Yes, I have a rebellious spirit.  I do not like being told.  I also can be fearful of change.  Change has a lot of unknowns, what ifs, and oh nos that come with it.  I fear change.

Courage is a response to fear.

I have learned that courage is a response to a fearful act.  You do not need to have courage, unless you are afraid.  If I decide to bungee jump off a bridge, I would be terrified.  Courage would be needed to get me to move off the point and take the leap.  MAking a change in recovery may feel like taking a leap off a bridge.  Will the bungee cord hold my weight?  What will be the outcome?  What if I fail? What if the cord breaks?  Risk is involved in taking the leap.  Taking a risk is the first step of change.  I found that making a change is easier when I have cheerleaders to cheer me on.  Change with a partner or a group is much easier than going it alone.  If you are facing the decision to make a change and are afraid . . .you may want to talk about it.  If your change involves you deciding to begin your recovery - send me an email and perhaps I can be your cheerleader.

www.stages2change.com

"Mom I Need Money for a Lawyer"

Thoughts on Teens Drinking and Driving 

The phone call came in the spring of 2006.  My son was a couple of months shy of 18. Living with his father in another state, he had gotten a job working with some business owners they knew from church.  One late night, my son and another employee hung out at work - drinking and talking. When it was time to head home, my son realized his coworker was too drunk to drive.  He decided to take him home using the company's truck.  Little did he realize, he too was too drunk to drive.  As would happen they got in an accident on the freeway.

My son was hauled down to the jail and charged with a DUI.  He thought he was being a "good Samaritan" in driving the coworker home.  He minimized the impact the alcohol had on himself.  Next he had to hire a lawyer, go to court, pay fines, attend a DUI school.  He lost his license and ended up having a probationary period.  All for a night of fun . . . drinking after work.

Drunk driving is the symptom.

Alcohol abuse is the problem.

According to Mother's Against Drunk Driving: "10,839 people will die in drunk-driving crashes - one every 50 minutes and teenagers between 15 - 20 years old have about 20% more fatal car wrecks than any other age group."

So how can your teenager stay safe behind the wheel?

Here are some things you as a parent can do:

* Have your teen take driver's education.

* Practice driving with your teen.

* Teach your teen safe driving principles.

* Guide your teen in how to manage road hazards.

* Educate your teen on the effects of drugs and alcohol.

Enforce driving rules:  

  * No driving after a certain hour.

  * Do not drink and drive.

  * Call for a ride instead of getting in a car with a drunk driver.

  * No texting while driving.

  * Always wear a seat belt.

Because the chance of a deadly crash occurring with each additional passenger,  it is critical for parents to set limits with their teen on the number of passengers in a car. It is also helpful to limit driving at night and on weekends for the same reason.

Getting a driver's license is an American right of passage.  Let's work together to make sure our teens drive responsibily.

For more information on this topic check out MADD at http://www.madd.org/.

Combating the ANTs - Automatic Negative Thoughts

Ants Will Come - What Will You Do?

"The cup is half full," says the optimist.  

"What - the cup is half empty!" exclaims the pessimist.   

How a situation is viewed will make an impact on how a person feels.  Seeing the opportunity in a situation brings hope.  Seeing only the negative - breeds depression and discouragement.

Some call it "stinkin' thinkin'."  Professionals refer to stinkin' thinkin' as automatic negative thoughts or ANTs.  What are some of the ANTs cropping up in the minds of negative thinkers?  

1.  All or nothing thinking - black and white thinking, things are all good or all bad.

2.  Guilty thinking - always, never, should, everyone, every time, ought.

3.  Negative thinking - seeing all the bad things and not viewing the positive things in a situation.

4.  Illogical thinking or feeling based thinking - basing a view on feelings instead of logic.

5.  Blaming others - blaming or being a victim not allowing self growth or self responsibility. 

6.  Placing self in a box - names or labels are confining and bring defeat.

7.  Predicting a negative outcome - claiming to know the future is fortune telling and will prohibit risk taking and the opportunity to succeed.

ANTS can be overcome.  Here are three ways to combat or defeat the ANTs:

1.  Name the ANT - which kind of ant are you dealing with - name it. Recognizing and naming the ant is the first step in combating the ant.

2.  Keep a journal of your thoughts - writing down your negative thought and reconsidering the thought with a positive thought or positive outcome.

3.  Speaking to the ANT -  Replacing the ANT with a positive affirmation or statement will begin to reprogram the negative thinking.  "I can do this. I am not stupid. I may be afraid but I will be courageous.  I am responsible for my negative choice. etc." 

Change starts in the mind.  How a person thinks will determine how they feel and what risks they will take.  When a person feels good, positive, hopeful and confident they will choose to set goals and believe they can achieve the goals even when setbacks occur on the path of change.

Taken from Daniel Amen, MD's material in "Change Your Brain Change Your Life" 

www.stages2change.com

Rise in Illicit Drug Use Findings

The SAMSHA website released Shocking News: Rise in Illicit Drug Use

Illicit Drug Use Increasing

The use of illicit drugs among Americans increased between 2008 and 2010, according to a national survey conducted by SAMHSA. The National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) shows that 22.6 million Americans age 12 or older (8.9 percent of the population) were current illicit drug users. The rate of use in 2010 was similar to the rate in 2009 (8.7 percent), but remained above the 2008 rate (8.0 percent). Another disturbing trend is the continuing rise in the rate of current illicit drug use among young adults age 18 to 25—from 19.6 percent in 2008 to 21.2 percent in 2009 and 21.5 percent in 2010. This increase was also driven in large part by a rise in the rate of current marijuana use among this population.

“We stand at a crossroads in our Nation’s efforts to prevent substance abuse and addiction,” said SAMHSA Administrator Pamela S. Hyde, J.D. “These statistics represent real lives that are at risk from the harmful and sometimes devastating effects of illicit drug use. This nation cannot afford to risk losing more individuals, families, and communities to illicit drugs or from other types of substance abuse—instead, we must do everything we can to effectively promote prevention, treatment, and recovery programs across our country.”

The annual NSDUH survey, released by SAMHSA at the kickoff of the 22nd annual National Recovery Month observance, is a scientifically conducted annual survey of approximately 67,500 people throughout the country, age 12 and older. Because of its statistical power, NSDUH is the Nation’s premier source of statistical information on the scope and nature of many behavioral health issues.

www.stages2change.com

From Crisis to Opportunity - Changing Our View

Your Future Never Looked Brighter!

After the storm - a beautiful rainbow appear

Recently I attended a conference for caregivers.  Caregivers labor sacrificially in the rudimentary care of loved ones who are losing physical and mental capacity.  Caregivers are the unsung heroes living in the shadows of the chronically ill. This conference was designed as a reminder for the caregiver to take care of themselves so they can better care for their loved one.

A motivational speaker began the day with a story:

A young student came home with a failing grade on a final exam.  Entering her home, she went to her mother sobbing.  Her mother asked her what was the matter.  The student showed her mother the exam with the "F" written at the top of the page.  Without skipping a beat the mother told her daughter, "Honey, your future never looked brighter!"   Confused at her mother's response the daughter said, "Mama, I failed the class and I need this class to graduate."  Her mother looked at her with hope in her eyes and said, "Darling, when you take the course over, you will be more prepared and ahead of all the other students.  You will surely do well.  Your future never looked brighter." 

It was at that moment that the mother took a negative situation and instilled hope in her daughter.  She did take the class over and she passed going on to graduate. 

When you are faced with a crisis, how do you view your situation? 

The east coast experienced tumultuous flooding and devastation due to the recent attack of Hurricane Irene.  My niece had a tree collapse through the roof of her home.  The tree split the roof in half and demolished many possessions including her computer.  

Can I say to her, "Your future never looked brighter?"  

Let's consider that thought.  Her house was an older home.  With her faithful homeowner's insurance payments, she is now entitled to receive a new roof and replacement of her valuable possessions with newer possessions.  She has not won the lottery, however, she will have her home repaired and it will be nicer than it was before the hurricane.

Changing our view of a crisis or setback to see the opportunity and good fortune will instill hope and inspire new goals.  

It has been said that failure is an event which does not need to control the future.  Are you letting failures hold you back?  It may be time to reframe your view of the failed event and see it as an opportuity.  Afterall, your future never looked brighter.

www.stages2change.com

Venus Williams Diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome

Take Care of Your Health

Today the news reported that tennis star Venus Williams has dropped out of the US Open Tennis Match due to complications from an autoimmune disease.  Venus is 31 years old and has a systemic disease called Sjogren's Syndrome.   You may be wondering, what is Sjogren's Syndrome?

Venus Williams in jumper at Wimbledon earlier this year.

Sjorgren's Syndrome is a chronic autoimmune disease where the white blood cells attack the moisture producing glands.  It is estimated that over 4 million people -primarily women - have Sjogren's Syndrome in the United States.  
This disease is characterized by dry mouth and eyes, aching joint and muscle pain, overwhelming fatigue and arthritis.

The reason this news story has interest for me is because my mother had Sjorgren's Syndrome.  I watched as Mama's doctors ignored her bodily complaints over the years - telling her it was all in her imagination.  Finally, through a National Institutes of Health research program she was officially diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome and able to receive the medical care and support she needed.

If you or someone you love has Sjogren's Syndrome there is help available. The Sjogren's Syndrome Foundation has a website that is a useful resource http://www.sjogrens.org/

My Mama, Helen Beery

When you are not happy with a doctor's diagnoses it is ok and important to visit another doctor and get a second opinion.  
I learned the importance of a second opinion in 1997 when I had a cancer diagnose.  My original doctor was able to diagnose the cancer.  However, he did not diagnose the full extent of the cancer.  If I had only followed his treatment plan, the cancer would have returned and I may not be here.  Receiving a second opinion I learned that I was in Stage 2 Cancer and would require a full regimen of treatment to eradicate the cancer.  I was able to recovery, remarry and have a second child - all after the cancer. 

Keep in mind your body belongs to you.  How you care for and treat your body is your decision.  
As a person enters into recovery from an addiction, they may notice all sorts of body aches and pains that they were unaware of before.  Getting a good physical is an important first step in taking care of yourself.  My mother passed away 6 years ago tomorrow. She was only 70 years old.  If she understood her disease and was able to receive an early diagnose she might be alive today.  

www.stages2change.com

Relapse: Become Aware of the Seven Triggers

Relapse: When a Thought Becomes an Action

Imagine yourself sitting in the movie theater and an advertisement for a refreshing coca cola and box of salty popcorn flashes on the screen.  You had not planned to visit the concession stand.  The thought of having a cold drink and some popcorn is now in your mind.  

The power of suggestion turns into an action.

You tell yourself that the movie won't start for five more minutes.  You get out of your seat and walk out to the concession stand and purchase a coca cola and popcorn.  This is an example of how the power of suggestion works. Seeing the popcorn image on the screen triggered a desire to eat some popcorn and drink a cold drink.  Triggers begin as a thought or suggestion which turns into an action.  

Staying sober and one day choosing to use again is called "relapsing."  A relapse is a common aspect of recovery.  When an addict has a relapse and returns to their recovery path they can become stronger in their recovery as they will realize they are powerless over their addiction.  Relapse starts with a trigger which begins the thinking about using.  The thinking about using, gives birth to the action of using or relapsing. 

There are seven triggers that can stimulate the urge to use. 

The seven triggers are:

* people

* places

* things

* events

* activities

* feelings

* physical health

People - When a person is actively using drugs and alcohol they typically have people around them that they either use with or supply them.  Once you are on the path to recovery, the people you spend time with may need to change.   As you begin to recover, spend time with people who are supportive of your new life of recovery.  

Places may trigger the desire to use drugs.

Places - Perhaps you are in the habit of going to the local bar for a burger after work or the casino with friends. Certain places will be reminders of using drugs and alcohol.  It will be important for you to avoid these places especially as you begin recovery and learn how to relax without using drugs or alcohol.
Things - Possessions can be reminders of using drugs and alcohol.  What is in a person's home reveals how they spend their time.  If you have bongs on the coffee table, subscribe to High Times, use tin foil in the kitchen, have a special drinking glass or a liquor cabinet, you may need to replace these items in order to remain on the recovery path.

Events - Celebrations such as weddings, New Year's Eve, July 4th, Super Bowl Sunday, and birthdays may have be times of drinking and using drugs. Learning to attend these events and stay sober will take time.  You may need to decline invitations as you learn how to make healthy choices in recovery.

Activities and habits - Perhaps you are the type of person who would come home after work and pour yourself a drink or light up a blunt.  Maybe on dates you would order wine with your meal.  Attending sporting events, concerts, cook-outs, weddings and girls night out may have been times of partying and using.  It may be helpful to begin new activities and habits as you walk on the recovery path.

Feelings -  Emotional times may stir the thought of using drugs or alcohol.  Learning how to handle feelings in sobriety is a new skill.  Having a sober coach, mentor or sponsor to call when you are feeling like using again is one way to grow stronger in managing feelings on your path of recovery. 

Physical health - Bodily aches, an onset of a disease, old injuries, tooth pain, headaches, broken bones, and surgery are all opportunities to return to using.  It is possible that the doctor will prescribe a new drug that could be addictive.  Being aware that taking care of your health with exercise, proper nutrition and rest will help combat the risk of using when your body is weakened. It is important to discuss with your health provider your addiction history.

Triggers will come.  It is important to be aware of each trigger.  You may want to keep a journal writing down your personal triggers and how you will handle triggers when they come.  Having a written plan is one way of maintaining a successful recovery.

To learn more about recovery check out our web site:

www.stages2change.com

Choosing to Overcome Adversity

The Choice Begins with Me

Choosing to change begins with you.

An attractive young adult walked confidently into the courtroom.  She turned to face the 57 year old vagrant who kidnapped and tormented her for nine months.  Taking a deep breath, she said "I don’t have very much to say to you.  I know exactly what you did and I know that you know what you did was wrong. You did it with a full knowledge. I want you to know that I have a wonderful life now, that no matter what you do, it will not affect me again. You took away nine months of my life that can never be returned. But in this life and in the next, you will have to be held responsible for those actions and I hope you are ready when the time comes."  Taken from the Healer's Choice by Roger Allen

Pedophile Brian Mitchell kidnapped 14 year old Elizabeth Smart from her bedroom.  He spent nine months brainwashing, raping, and hiding young Elizabeth before getting caught.  Elizabeth had a choice.  She could let those traumatic nine months define her as a victim and live defeated.  Or, she could see the personal crisis as an opportunity to move forward and use it as a mission to help others. Today, Elizabeth Smart is an advocate for other young kidnapped children and their families.

Losing a job, financial hardship, addiction, a terminal illness, relational strife, an automobile wreck, death of a loved one are all examples of a personal crisis.  Experiencing a crisis changes the day's normal routine and brings adversity.  
How do you handle a personal crisis?  
Are you taken off guard?  
Is there space in your day for the unexpected?  
Are you a rigid or a flexible person?  

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. 

Proverbs 24:1

How you respond to a crisis will determine your future.  
"It is not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you." Motivational Speaker Zig Ziglar 

Everyone will experience a personal crisis if not today - one day.  No one is immune from life's trials.  Your personal crisis may not make the news.  When you are in a crisis, examine your thinking and ask yourself, Am I allowing this crisis to defeat me?  What can I learn from this crisis? 

Another victim of abuse states, "to truly move beyond my past pain began with a very intentional choice. I remember the day, more than 15 years ago, that I made the decision to choose a different path. I stenciled a small poster with a simple message that still hangs on my wall today. It says “I choose hope. I choose healing. I choose joy. I choose LIFE!'"

Written by Susan Buck, MA, LADC
susan@stages2change.com

www.stages2change.com

To view the Stages2Change video blog go to: http://soulfoodvideo.blogspot.com/

I Went to Church Today . . .

God Loves Me . . . I Will Choose to Love You

Country church in Iowa, USA

I went to church today.  Attending church is important to me.  I have not always wanted to go to church.  One day, I read a book by Phillip Yancey "Church Why Bother."  He explained in the book that church is the vehicle Christ left for us to gather, use our spiritual gifts and have a safe community to share His love.  

Today in church, I sat obediently in my chair - we don't have a pew in the 10:10 service.  I stood and sang and sat and sang.  Our family gave our tithe.  We prayed we listened.  We gathered with others and ate donuts and drank coffee.  I participated in my church duty.

This evening I took my Vespa for a ride in the country.  I had a chat with God.  I told him that I don't always like to be around people.  When I am around people I feel all these expectations.   I cannot live up to these expectations. I feel pushed and swayed by others opinions and needs.  I find myself lost and I forget who I am.  At times, I lose hope.  God reminded me that after Jesus spent a lot of time with people He would spend time alone.

When I am alone talking to God I feel love.  I feel strong.  I feel special.  I realize that God designed me with a purpose.  I believe I have unique gifts and talents.  

When I am around others - I start to feel inferior.  There is always someone prettier.  There is always someone more capable.  There is always someone who has more possessions.  Instead of celebrating my uniqueness and beauty.  I start to berate myself and fault find.  

I feel safe when I am with God - all alone.  No one watching. Just me and God.  God loving on me and me loving on God.  Why oh why is it so hard for people to love each other?

It occurs to me that loving is a choice not just a feeling.  I can love others whether they love me or not.  I can reach out in kindness and compassion and be the inspiration to spread love - oh how we need it today.

The greatest commandment is to Love God and Love Others.   Loving others begins with me and it begins with you.  Today find one person you can encourage with love.  Help them to feel special and to know they have a purpose.  Be the church to someone who needs to experience God's love and community.

www.stages2change.com

The Healing Power of Affirmations

Genuine Words of Affirmation

"I believe in you."

Harsh words and criticisms pollute the air.  All too often, criticisms are handed out freely and compliments are stingily withheld.   Spouses, parents and bosses seem to enjoy criticizing and pointing out mistakes.  Some say this is a way to make themselves feel better - noticing others faults.  This negative form of communicating is destructive and creates walls in relationships.  There is a better way to relate.  Giving a sincere compliment, noticing when someone does something well, are ways to build relationships. Too often we may admire someone, yet never tell them. 

We all want to know that we are valuable and good at things.  Hearing affirmations is empowering and healing. 

When you share a genuine compliment, walls come down, the relationship becomes a little closer and self confidence increases.  Friends, family and employees have an on going need for sincere verbal affirmation.  It is unrealistic to expect people to figure out that we appreciate them when we do not tell them in words.  Instead of being sparing in our compliments, perhaps we could adopt a philosophy of being generous in sharing genuine words of affirmation.

Today is the day you can begin to share words of appreciation.  You may not like everything about a person and they may not like everything about you.  However, every person has something about them to like.  I have created a list of 20 affirmation statements that show appreciation and bring encouragement: 

 

Thank you for taking the time.

I enjoy being with you.

You are right.

I am proud of you.

I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I believe in you.

I appreciate all you do.

You are special to me.

I needed your help.

Together we can make it.

You are important to me.

Your smile is contagious.

You are a good listener.

I appreciate your honesty.

I admire you.

You are my hero.

That is a wise thing to say.

You bring my life meaning.

I am happy when I am with you.

I am glad you are in my life. 

To learn more about recovery or to make an appointment with Susan check out our website at www.stages2change.com