Alcohol is the Central Factor in College Rape

Preparing to Send Students Away to College - Be Wise

My Alma Mater - Hokie Mascot

This summer, I visited my alma mater.  I was surprised to see that the cellar door of one of the popular drinking spots was still swinging for the students.
Driving around town, I reminisced over my college days.  I remember the lonely feeling of leaving home for the first time.  I recall my first friends and the late night phone calls to go to the cellar for a beer after a night of studying.  As I got to know more people, I would visit fraternity parties and field parties, attend dances, or sit with a group in the dorm and play quarters.  This was a time of extended adolescence, a period of growing up and out of the nest and into the career world.  I guess I thought of it as a rite of passage . . . .
Over the next few weeks, many families will be sending their young adults off to college.  Some of these students will be leaving home for the first time.  College brings unexpected pressures.  Pressures that include living with roommates, being away from family, balancing classes, living on a shoestring and developing a healthy social life.  Some students will decide to pledge a sorority or fraternity and enter into the fall "rush" period. Weekend gatherings with free flowing alcohol will abound.  Koolaid or fruit punch mixed with grain alcohol may be served out of iced down coolers or bathtubs.  Parties will offer plastic cups of free or cheap keg beer.   With an ID (real or fake), students hang out at local clubs drinking with their new friends.  
Along with the new freedoms, comes an experimenting in sexuality.  It is not uncommon for a group of guys and a group of girls to go out on a weekend night and end up going home with a new partner.
Inebriation smooths the process of easy hook-ups.  

Many parents see these activities as a "rite of passage."  Something that happens in college and will be outgrown.  Is it wise to look the other way and consider binge drinking and easy hook-ups as a right of passage?

Greek's Cellar the watering hole I went to while a student in college.

Here is what Professor George W. Dowdall at Saint Joseph's University and co-author of a 2004 study of alcohol on college campuses says, "Binge drinking isn't a harmless rite of passage but a risk factor in violence against women.  Institutions of higher education need to change the culture of college drinking in order to make colleges safer and healthier environments."
In fact, the study shows that binge drinking is the number one public health problem among college students – associated with a range of consequences that include lower grades, vandalism and physical and sexual violence. 
College campuses where over 50% of the students drink alcohol, experience an increase in acquaintance rape.  Acquaintance rape is when two people know each other and have non consensual sex which often occurs under the influence of alcohol. According to a Harvard College Alcohol Study, alcohol use is the central factor in most college rapes.  Young men and women may not call it rape - they may see it as a hook up gone bad or a college experience.  This viewpoint does not alleviate the scars that may occur from this experience, not to mention an unwanted pregnancy or STD.

I am writing this blog as a wake up call for families and students.  I hope you will discuss the reality and dangers of life at college.   My concern is for students to be careful in college.  Be wise and do not go home with someone you have just met.  Be wise and travel or go out with a friend.  Be wise and watch out for each other.  And most of all - do not be overly trusting.  Yes, have fun and remember to play it safe.

To read more on this study check out: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/college/a/blcas040214.htm
To visit my web site: www.stages2change.com

Three Steps to Healing After a Betrayal

"I have never loved you - I have always loved someone else."

Betrayal, Broken Trust and Healing

Climbing into bed, a husband tells his wife about an affair that occurred 10 years earlier.  He communicates with a cool smugness and turns out the light, rolls over and begins to snore.  In shock at his betrayal, the wife lies in bed for hours unable to sleep.

The impact of a betrayal in a close relationship is devastating.  The lies, deceit, shock and blow of broken trust can shake a person to their emotional core.  

What are some of the effects of betrayal?  First lets consider what a betrayal is . . . a betrayal is when you think you have one type of a relationship and you discover that your relationship is not what you thought.  A betrayal may be deliberate or just an act of poor judgement.  A betrayal is broken trust in a relationship.  Betrayals hurt and have a destructive impact on the person betrayed.  Here are some of the negative impacts of a betrayal:

1. Broken trust.  A betrayal seems to cause an imaginary wall to rise up in a person and hinders future trust.  This wall is a form of self protection that says "I will not let anyone hurt me again."  With time, perspective, forgiveness and healing this wall will come down.

2. Emotional sadness and depression. A betrayal is devastating and creates a deep pain which may lead to depression.

3. Lowered self esteem.  A betrayal destroys confidence and can have a negative impact on a person's self image.

4. An increase in suspicion.  A betrayal breaks trust and causes questioning and suspicion.

5. A negative impact on reputation.  A betrayal is a deception and creates a negative reputation for the person who has been betrayed.

Betrayal is devastating.  However, it is possible to go forward after a betrayal. 

To overcome a betrayal will require two things - time and work.  The shock of a betrayal can weigh heavy on the soul for months and even years.  Moving beyond shock requires taking intentional and healthy steps to move forward.  Here are three steps to healing after a betrayal:

Step One:  Reframe what has happened. When a person has been betrayed - it is likely there were warnings that came before the realization of the betrayal.  Reflecting upon what happened can be helpful to the healing process.  Journalling thoughts and feelings and talking to God about the hurt and anger are ways to get the poison out.  

Step Two: Rebuild self esteem.  Creating a list of accomplishments and things that you and others like about you helps to increase self esteem.  Review the list regularly and believe it.  

Step Three:  Letting Go and Forgiving.  Let's face it, one person does not have to define YOU nor your future.  The person who betrayed you may have lacked judgment, been immature, or a fool.  Begin to hang out with winners - people who are wise and have a track record of integrity.  Life is too short to stay stuck in the impact of a betrayal.  

It is possible to overcome a betrayal.  Today is the day to take the first step forward to a positive future. 

For more information on recovery or to talk with Susan check out: www.stages2change.com

3 Keys to Embracing Hope

If you hang out with me for any length of time, you will discover that I take pictures everywhere I go.  I saw these words on a sign during a Christmas visit to Washington, DC.  The words are "embracing hope."  
Being a relatively new full time caretaker to my disabled husband has sunk me into a premature grief.  I have come to accept that he is not going to get better and our life will change permanently.  Coming to this realization, I found myself  depressed.  
I have always found the spoken word helpful when I am discouraged.  On my shelf I had three volumes of tapes from motivational Christian speaker Zig Ziglar.  Driving in my car, I began to listen to his encouraging and very funny teaching.  Zig talked about having hope.  
Hope is a critical element in considering the future.  Without hope, well, frankly a person may think about giving up.  
Contemplating the word H-O-P-E . . . I think of how powerful that four letter word really is.  Hope - is a word based on today with a promise of good things for the future.  
Where does our hope come from?  Is it possible to self-generate hope?  
I have found there are three keys to embracing hope:  
The first key is having faith.  Realizing there is a higher power a God who will never leave nor forsake me.  I do not have to face my future alone.  
The second key is being in community. When I hang out with friends or family, I feel a sense of belonging and love.  Again, I realize I am not alone.  
The third key is reviewing my life.  I did not get to be a member of AARP without going through a lot of life experiences.  I have had many challenges and have successfully survived tough times.  In reviewing my life, I realize that I can make it.  Hope is the lifeblood to longsuffering.  Embracing hope is important when the future is unknown. 

www.stages2change.com