Beach Vacation with the Original Family

Spending Time with Family

I have been spending my summer vacation at a beach house with my original family.   My parents were midwesterns who traveled a lot because dad served in the military.   My folks had three children - a boy, a girl and a boy.  My oldest brother excelled at everything he attempted.  He was academically gifted and climbed the scouting ranks to Eagle Scout.  My younger brother was more fun and constantly made us laugh.  It was no surprise when he attended Clown College and ran off with the circus at 18.  Me . . . I am the middle child.  I was shy at times and rebellious at times.  I would shift from spending time alone in my room listening to records or reading books to acting out with my friends. I always had a best friend to tell my secrets and we would stay up late chatting on the phone.   It was me who would defy my mother and  cause an atmosphere of worry and unrest.  I am happy to say that at age 30, I finally settled down.  Dad's military job moved us around a lot.  I felt like I was always starting my life over with new schools, friends and interests.   I observed Mom raise three little children while Dad was stationed in Vietnam.  

Families that have a lot of stress, moves, illness or addiction frequently have children that have similar characteristics.  These characteristics or roles have been given the following names: the hero, the scapegoat, the lost child and the mascot.  Here are some of the typical traits:

The hero is usually the oldest child - he is serious, makes good grades, admired and a leader.

The scapegoat is the often the second child - she may drink or use drugs, shows anger, gets pregnant.

The lost child is the third child - he is shy and a loner who may feel closer to animals than people.

The mascot is the youngest child - he is the class cut up, appears happy go lucky and self focused.

You may recognize yourself or your siblings playing one of these roles. I think I went between the scapegoat and the lost child.  What I find interesting is how as an adult when I spend significant time with my original family, these same roles tend to show up - even after a lot of adult therapy. I am not sure why that is and it probably should not be taken too seriously. 

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