Macabre Addiction

U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona

The new year has begun and all eyes are focused on the recent shooting of a Congresswoman in Arizona. Geez, we hardly get going with our New Year Resolutions – to do better, to do good, to lose weight when whamo – the news turns from celebrations to mass murder.  

Again, this shooting involved a young single male who was rebellious and had a morbid interest in violence. The news showed pictures of his altar complete with a skull and candles. This young adult had a fascination with the darkness and the macabre.  

What is the macabre? 

According to my computer Word reference tools, synonyms of the word macabre are morbid, cadaverous, horrific, chilling, ghastly, gruesome, grisly, morbid and deathly.

I am noticing an increasing interest in things of the macabre.  I would go so far to say that there is an actual “macabre addiction.”

Rep Gifford's first photo after the shooting.

Let me define macabre addiction:

“Macabre Addiction is an obsessive fascination with violence, death and gore.”

In the past, lyrics in popular music were about relationship and yes, rebellion.  Have you noticed in the past 10 – 15 years more popular songs have violent lyrics?  Some genres of music focus solely on topics like killing, blood, and gore, death, guns and violence.

There is an entire community listening to a music genre called Death Metal, which glorifies dark lyrics, which focus on death, gore and violence.  If you do not believe me go to a music store and check out the top rated albums.  Gangsta rap is also popular and a genre focused on violence.

It may be true that music and movies are a reflection of the culture.  I believe music and movies influence the culture.

Is it possible to have music and movies with positive and healthy messages?  What role do we play in making a change for peaceful relationships?  What can I do? What can you do?  Think about it. In the days to come, what can you do to bring a positive message and hope to the people around you?

Shootings continue to happen. Just last Friday a 24 year old doctoral student shot over 70 innocent strangers inside a movie theater - killing 12 people including children.  

Who will stand up and fight for wholesome entertainment and a kinder and gentler society?

www.stages2change.com

 

You Are Remembered

It is never easy when someone you know dies.

I remember 15 years ago when my brother and his wife were pregnant.  I remember their phone calls of excitement and anticipation. I also remember the phone call when they lost their pregnancy.

I remember the last year of my mother’s life. I watched her slip away into eternity.  A onetime tall woman full of life shriveled into a small delicate woman in a wheelchair.  I remember the last time I saw my mother.  She had come out of surgery and was in a medically induced coma.  My brother and I stood at her side holding her hands.  We spoke gently.  I saw a tear form in the corner of my mother’s eye.

How do we remember those we love who have left this life?  We may have regrets over what we did not say or do.  We may fell angry that our time together was cut short.  I believe each life has purpose – whether the life is long or short.  Each life can be remembered. 

I do not believe the American culture grieves well. Consider the one or two days of bereavement leave offered at many places of work. The expectation is to attend the memorial service have a good cry and get back to life as it was known before the death. Is that really enough time to grieve and go through the emotions of feeling shocked, sad, angry, depressed when there has been a death of a loved one?  I say emphatically NO! 

I believe life is so much more valuable.  When a person has experienced a death they will need time to grieve.  A grieving person needs time to experience the pain of the loss.  A grieving person needs time to experience God and the Spirit’s comfort A grieving person needs time to experience comfort in relationship. A grieving person needs to be able to freely talk about their pain and unfulfilled expectations. 

This is not easy to do being a “fix it” and “get over it” society.  Comfort does come in the form of knowing you are not alone in your grief.  Sometimes all we need is a person to be in the room.  Perhaps not even talking, just being present.  Another person can help ease the pain of isolation, which comes with grief. 

There is a universal truth; suffering is as much a part of life as good fortune.  We have a promise that when we suffer, we will not be alone.  God will be with us through the painful time.

Remembering our loved one will bring healing and comfort.  How can we remember our loved ones after they die? Here are some ways:

    • Memorial service. A memorial service is a time to reflect, honor and celebrate the person’s life. Memorial services may be public or private.  They can be with a few people or with a large gathering.

    • Write a letter. Letter writing can be very cathartic.  It is a way to reach out the loved one. Listen to the words of a letter a child wrote to her stillborn sister: “Everything that lives – plants, animals, and people – has a beginning and an end. Some are alive only a short time.  How long, or how short, doesn’t really matter. It is still that person’s lifetime.  And each lifetime is special.”

    • A teenager wrote this note to his mother after the loss of her child:  “I went to buy you a card today. It was a birthday card for the baby you did not get to bring home. We talked a lot about my sister, but that was a long time ago.  I worried that if I sent you this card, it would make you feel sad again.  But I think I know how you will feel.  I will be glad because I remember her too.”

    • Plant a tree or plant.  It is very honoring to plant a tree or a plant in honor of your loved one who has died.

    • Create a memory book or box.  Some people find great comfort in placing special things in a box or creating a memory book of their loved one.  This is a tangible place where the loved one’s presence may be felt and their life honored.

    • Draw a picture, compose a poem or write in a journal. These are some creative ways to remember your loved one.

www.stages2change.com