Soul Care for the Bully

Bullying is in the news frequently these days.  Whether it is on the high school sports team, at a teenage girl’s slumber party or in the office workplace.  

When a person uses the tactics of bullying it is an attempt to control another person through intimidating behavior. A lot has been written for the victim of bullying. Things like remove yourself from the situation, don’t get into confrontations with a bully, recognize it is not about you but it is about he bully’s insecurities and attempt to control you. I am wondering what happens to the person who uses bullying tactics. What happens to their soul?

I have read that a person who bullies is trying to make themselves feel better through the tearing down of another person.  Frequently this person is a threat to the bully.  I have also read that a bully has been over powered through bullying or abused as a child and now through his bullying behavior attempting to regain his power.

Bullying is the use of intimidation, invalidation, harassment, threats, put downs and physical attacks on a weaker person.  Bullies don’t pick on someone their own size.  They tend to overpower the weak and helpless, the innocent and compliant.

A bully’s lack the skill of compromise. It is the “My way or the highway mentality.”  A bully may say they want you out of their life; however, they need to have someone in their life to “pick on” in order to feel better about themselves.  It is a relational problem.

Have you ever noticed how it is the hurting people who go around hurting other people?  Ironically, the reverse is also true.  We are hurt in relationship and we are emotionally healed in relationship. 

Is their hope for the bully?  Yes, absolutely.  It is through accountability.  A bully must come to the place where they see their behavior as what it really is – an attempt to control another person.  A person who uses bullying as a method to control another person frequently suffers from low self-esteem.  They see themselves as worthless.  They may feel  shame – the “I am bad” belief.  When they bully someone and that person retaliates it makes the bully feel that he is not the only one with negative behavior – see that person too will use destructive tactics.

The victim of bullying has the opportunity to be instrumental in bringing about the positive change in the bully’s behavior.  This is through – not reacting to the bully’s threats and using accountability.  Let’s face it a bully is wanting a reaction – they expect the person they bully to shout, or fight back.  It is an impotent situation when the bully attacks a person and there is no response.  Yes, the bully may escalate their behavior and if it becomes unsafe the victim must remove himself or herself for safety.  However the victim does not need to retaliate.  The best thing a victim can do is to allow the bullying behavior to bounce off of them and land back upon the bully through no response.