Changing the Stinkin' Thinkin'

From Shame to Truth

I went to the gym yesterday.  I have known for sometime that I need to get back into shape.  

I can blame my new weight gain on Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day and Birthdays . . . but in reality I have become undisciplined in my eating and exercise habits.  

At the gym I had a young buff trainer named Jonathan.  He probably thought I looked like his mother.  He showed me how to maneuver the weights and the seats so I could find the best position for me as I attempted strength training.  He showed me how to use the tread mill.   I had to be attached with a clip - in case I fell off the tread mill  it would stop. 

The tread mill was cool, I could wear headphones and watch CNN or Fox News at the same time I was walking.  The second day I used the tread mill, I realized I could also see myself walking. The four tread mills were set along a mirrored wall.   I watched myself walking.  At first I did not recognize myself.  Who is that middle aged, sweaty and overweight lady?  

I carry an image of what I look like in my head.  The image in the mirror that day was not the same picture that is in my head.  I see myself as much younger, much less wrinkled, trimmer and there are no gray hairs.  

What image do you carry of yourself?   Does it match the one in the mirror?  

My father is a youthful 80 year old.  He is active, sane, witty and healthy.  One day I asked him what it is like to be his age. How do you see yourself?  

He said, "I see myself as a 25 year old man." 

Sometimes a person with a beautiful and healthy body sees themselves as ugly and fat.  Again there is a discrepancy between the true image and the imagined self image. 

In the dictionary shame is defined as,

"A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace."

When a person experiences negative shame - they will feel unrealistic guilt or a sense of "badness" about them self.  Statements like:

* "I am bad."

* "I am unlovable." 

* "I am garbage."

* "I am not worthy." 

are all shame based statements.  They are simply not true statements.  To overcome negative shame a person must begin to see and embrace the truth about themselves. 

For an aging person, they may need to embrace the fact that they are no longer young. That does not mean they are not beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside.  For the person who is young and attractive yet feels they are fat and ugly - they may need to learn that they are not ugly - and they are worthy.

Replacing old tapes with new messages - that is a first step in overcoming shameful thinking.  Taking the stinkin thinkin' (as the 12 step programs call it) of "I am bad and unworthy" and saying to yourself 

"I have made mistakes, yes, however I am worthy and I have purpose."

As a person takes steps to recovery they will consider their thoughts and begin to replace negative thinking with truthful thinking. To learn more about overcoming addiction check out the free resources at www.Stages2Change.com