Monday Morning Giggles

Monday Morning Giggles

Monday mornings are rough for a lot of people as they begin the week with all its expectations and challenges.  Making it through a day is tough for anyone in recovery.  Here are some jokes that may bring a smile to your day.

Great Weekend . . . now it is Monday!

Three Alanon Jokes: 

Did you hear there’s a new 12-step program for people who talk too much?

It is called on-and-on-Anon. ~

What is the last thing to happen to an Al-Anon member before they die?

Someone else’s life flashes before their eyes. ~

How can you tell you are at an Al-Anon meeting?

Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up. ~

Addiction Jokes: 

Addicts are like tea bags. They don't work until they're in hot water! ~

How many addicts does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five. One to stand on a ladder and hold the bulb and four to get high until the room spins. ~

Q: What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control pills?
A: A trip without the kids. ~

Q: What do you call someone who stays up for 14 days straight?
A: A two-weeker. ~

Q: How can you pick out the tweaker in the grocery store?
A: He is the one with his cart flipped upside down fixing the wheels! ~

Alcohol Jokes:

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk. ~

An alcoholic is driving home from the bar at 3am totally annihilated. He's swerving between lanes and gets spotted by a patrol officer who then pulls him over. The cop asks the inebriated man where he's headed at such a late hour. The drunk replies "I'm just going to a lecture, officer." In disbelief the officer asks "Who would be giving a lecture this late?"

The alcoholic replies, "My wife."

Two dudes roll up to a sobriety check point, Budweisers between their legs. They're plastered, and stand no chance of getting past without getting busted.

They roll up to the cops, the cop peers in, and sees both of them with soggy Bud labels on their foreheads, grinning.

"You two been drinking?"

They smile. "No officer, we're on the patch!"